Bazza's First Blog Ever!

G'day everyone! I'm Bazza Buttercup and thanks for coming. This is my very first blog ever and I'm wetting myself with excitement!

You've probably all heard about me. I'm a pretty big deal around these parts. But just in case you've been living in a cave (we have that in common) I'll tell you a bit about myself.

I'm exclusively known as a Professional Survivalist Extraordinaire. For those of you poor fools who haven't heard of this profession it basically entails being thrust into situations that would kill the average feeble human. I learnt all my incredible survival skills from my many years training as a girl scout. Also, being this incredibly good looking I've had to spend a large chunk of my life running and hiding from the many women chasing me. It was out there, in the wild where I grew the ability to cheat death... Injury, not so much. So basically it's my action-packed life experiences that make me one of a kind.

I'm guessing none of you have heard about him, but Bear Grylls has a similar profession to mine. You may have even stumbled across his little docos but there's a few things you should know about this guy. First, he's a top bloke. But, he's an imposter. Yep, Bear and I were good mates back in the day. I taught him everything he knows. Unfortunately he's taken my pearls of wisdom and sold me out with his little TV show, I think it's called Man vs. Wild or something silly like that. He's doing quite well for himself little Grylly. But if it weren't for me he wouldn't even know that goat's testicles are delicious and nutritious.

SO, here's what I'm going to do. I've decided to drop myself into random feral locations and do what Bear's doing - film it all! Somebody suggested that would make it a Man vs. Wild spinoff. A comedy?! Are you crazy? Don't worry, I set them straight - Bazza IS real. I'm him! 

Everything you are going to see in each Bazza vs. Wild (Bear even stole my title idea the punk) episode is actually what Bear should be teaching you but isn't. Forget everything you've learnt from Sir Grylls and prepare your minds for some real life-saving tips and techniques from the one and only Bazza Buttercup.

I look forward to sharing my far more exciting adventures with you!

Stay safe out there kids.

Yours truly,

Bazza.


NEXT: Bazza reveals the essential items you need to survive in any deadly situation!